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23
Jun
Dating isn’t always easy!


For many people, dating can be a daunting experience, where do you meet someone in this day and age, how do you know if they are right for you and how do you go about starting a relationship?  

Here are a few dating tips you may find useful.

 Enjoy the simple things

- Taking the time to appreciate the small things allows us to see the progression of the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of the relationship.  It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about where things are headed—or where they’ve been—but the problem all of that forward-focus keeps us out of the moment.  Something is simple as holding hands can seem so unromantic but it’s a simple way of saying I like you.

-   Remember that there’s more to romance than sex

-    Oftentimes, a relatively brief introduction followed by few drinks might be the only prelude to a sexual encounter.  Not to say that these types of interactions cannot be mutually enjoyable and respectful, but there is something to be said about taking a little time before becoming sexually involved with someone.  Many people find that sex is more satisfying if there is a well developed emotional connection. 

-    Besides, sex is better after some anticipation!  In the same way that slowly undressing a partner can be incredibly arousing, spending time with a person outside of a sexual context can be a different (and sometimes more exhilarating) kind of foreplay. 

 Be careful with our words

-    Our words have meaning!  Whether we’re speaking directly to someone, or talking over text message, it’s important to remember that our choice of words and the way we phrase things greatly shape the dynamics of a relationship.  We can benefit from using a little more caution and care when communicating with others. 

 Keep technology out of it

-    Technology is an excellent way to stay connected. We cannot always be with our partners so sometimes sending a text to let them know you are thinking of them is a great idea.  But remember that it is often difficult to convey emotion through writing so texting your partner may not allow you to get across what you are really trying to say.  It’s always a good idea to have more intimate conversations face-to-face rather than via text. Especially for those who are always on the go, or in long distance relationships.  However, sometimes the use of Facebook, texting, or e-mail when we are with our partner in person can negatively affect a relationship.  For example: Being glued to your blackberry while on a date can prevent you from connecting with the person that you are with, it sends the message that you find a screen and key pad more interesting than their company.  Try to focus your attention on where you are at the moment and be more actively engaged in the conversation.  It is incredible what a huge difference simply turning off your cell phone for the duration of a date can make! 

Communicate

-    Healthy communication can be the difference between a stressful relationship and an enjoyable one.  Communicating with others allows us to open up, share our thoughts and feelings, increase our level of awareness and understanding, as well as establish intentions and expectations.  It is a common misconception that checking in with a partner messes with the “natural flow” of a relationship!  That being said, it’s probably a good idea to avoid giving someone the third degree on your second date (ie: “What are we doing here?  How do we define ’us’? Where is this going?!” in response to their “Hey, how are you?”).  It’s important to enjoy things as they unfold, while still making sure that both people are on the same page.

-    Misunderstandings between people often stem from personal insecurity, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.  Low self-esteem or anxiety can cause us to make decisions without thinking things through or being true to ourselves, for fear of upsetting the other person if we have different expectations or desires than they do.  Self awareness and assertiveness are necessary for clear communication—when we are more confident in ourselves, we are less likely to be hesitant about voicing our concerns.  Making your intentions clear (what you’re hoping to gain from the relationship, etc…) can help alleviate confusion and create healthy boundaries.

-    Relationships are all about learning and growing, and dating is a social skill that gets better with practice and experience. 

 

Want an opportunity to put some of these dating tips to use?  Sign up for speed dating, held select Fridays and meet potential matches in a fun, safe environment! Learn more here.




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