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21
Dec
Slut Shaming Explained


What is slut shaming? Slut shaming is when a person identified as a woman is shamed or attacked based on the fact that they are sexual. It can happen to identified males as well but I will be only focusing on women for this blog. Some would say it is reserved for those who have more than several sexual partners in their lifetime, but it’s not. It’s done to women in all levels of openness towards sexuality. Whether they have had more than several partners, are nude models, even having a child out of wedlock and so on. All of the aforementioned types of women can and will be slut shamed. Being called a slut doesn't mean “She has sex”. Using the term “slut” implies more than just sexually open when said by most people, it implies she has no self-respect, morals, that she is worthless, that she makes poor life choices, is dirty and other things that are not a positive. The word “slut” itself does not even need to be used to “Slut shame” someone, implying anyone’s worth is less than others based on their sexual activity, attire, lifestyle choices or sexual health is also slut shaming.  It is not just demeaning and insulting to those being targeted with slut shaming but to women as a whole. It speaks volumes to the society we live in. 

Secretly this is a feminist blog about double standards. As far as we may have come in equality and the feminist revolution we still have many obstacles to overcome. Sex is a big one. The way men and women are judged on having sex is very different. Men can be very sexually active with multiple partners and get high-five’s from their peers. Put a woman in those shoes and she is labeled a slut. There is so much shame attached to the word slut. I want it back, I want the word slut back as what it means to me “someone who likes to have sex and is sexually open”. Viva la slut!

Slut shaming happens all of the time and it needs to stop. By far the worst example of this is “thedirty.com”. If you haven’t yet been to this website, I’ll save you the time and surmise it for you; it’s a bunch of ignorant/immature people posting pictures of anyone they want while shaming them. I believe the point of this is to warn people about other people who are terrible but in actuality what happens is it just became an easily accessible gossip and shame page. Anyone can write anything they want about anyone, all they need is a picture of the person they are targeting and a vindictive demeanor. This site is full of pages and pages of slut shaming. If you look at the posts 90% of them are slut shaming related. Most people who read thedirty.com will gasp and say “omg I know her! Bahaha, what a slut”. Here’s the harsh truth about thedirty.com; it could be you. We all like to sit behind our computers and peer into the live of others from afar and secretly judge people we really know nothing about. You could be next. All it takes is one person who doesn’t like you with your Facebook profile picture and boom you’re the new slut of the week. They can write anything they want about you and post it. Remember every time you see a piece of juicy gossip that someone has written all about someone you’ve never met before or don’t know everything about, remind yourself that it could be you up there. You’re saying to yourself now “But I’m not a slut!” – So says you. Guess what? They don’t fact check and if someone wants to call you a slut and write up a poorly written blurb, copy and paste your profile picture and submit it to the dirty.com you are now a the slut of the week on thedirty.com.

Most articles on thedirty.com written about women go like this “she is a slut, drug fiend, super ugly and fat. I believe the logic in that is she has to be doing drugs because she enjoys having sex and all women who will have sex with you are ugly/fat or some other non-sense like that. Which stems off into another topic; fat-shaming. In summary fat-shaming is the belief that the word fat and ugly mean the same thing. They don’t. Fat really only means you have extra weight on your body. If you just read that explanation of fat and thought “but you just described someone ugly or not as pretty” re-read that sentence and really look at what it says, all fat really means is extra weight on a person’s body. That’s it, nothing about their worth, beauty or who they are as a person is including in how much they weigh. Unfortunately there is so much shame attached to the word fat that it has become an insult and a way to attack a person. I will leave you with this; anyone out there who is “overweight”; you are fat and beautiful, not one or the other. If you are able to take away the shame from the word fat that last sentence should empower you and not depress you. 

My favorite post (because it proves how ridiculous people who slut shame are) on this website has to be about a girl that the (male) poster met on an online hookup site. He calls this girl every degrading thing you think of because she slept with him on the first date. He goes on to say that he had a friend who also went out with her and slept with her. He describes this girl as having zero self respect and being a sloot (online slang for slut… such wordsmiths). My favorite part about this whole post is the fact that the person writing this was the one who had sex with her. He admits meeting her on a hookup site (where the whole point is to have sex and hookup) and that he slept with her. If by his definition of sloot, her doing the exact same thing makes her a worthless person with no self-respect; what does that make him? Do you see where I’m going here? We have a girl who knows what she wants, is open with her sexuality and has an active sex life. Then we have a guy who is a hypocritical confused man who not only has sex with a girl he has zero respect for but then shames her publicly for it. Really? Why does that make any sense? Why is it a common belief that he’s in the right? That because she slept with him in the same night as meeting him she is a worthless slut and he is better than her? Read the blurbs closely, a lot of the posts on thedirty.com are written by someone they had sex with. 

I was on thedirty.com a couple days ago and had my faith in humanity restored. I clicked on a picture of a girl and read all the comments left by others. They were amazing. The most amazing one was written by the girl the article was about; it was something like “yeah, not bothered. I mean I do fart more than my boyfriend”. Then there were more like these ones “I heard she eats dead babies” “`Omg I heard she has a fetus brain and collects dead things” and so on. I’m going to take a huge leap and say that friends of hers wrote those. The reason this restored my faith in humanity is that instead of petty fighting and being low like whoever posted it they basically said “yeah and? No one cares; here is a list of 100 other ridiculous things that change nothing”.  Maybe I’m crazy but when I read articles on thedirty.com nothing changes my opinion of the person I never met before I am reading about until I see the comments and only when I see ones like the ones posted above. When I see that I’m all “man she’s got some awesome friends”. Seriously, it’s the best defense, to not give a f***.  Because really, who cares? People who love you will love you for you and whatever mistakes you've made. Those who are close to you and care about you will also know the truth. Furthermore, if nobody hates you it just means you never stood up for anything in your life and/or you've never left your house. Either way, haters gonna hate. 

The other thing that is prevalent in slut shaming is people being shamed for having STI’s. Go read statistics on STI’s, it’s not uncommon for people to have an STI at one point in their lifetime. Fun Fact; it is estimated that 75% of all sexually active Canadians will have one HPV infection in their lifetime. Boom. Also having an STI doesn't mean you've had sex with hundreds of people, it means you've been sexually active ONCE. That’s really all you can determine from that, and even that can be disputed. You could have gotten HPV from sharing a swimsuit with a friend who had it, there are rare circumstances. Point being, STI’s do not determine a person’s worth either. If someone has an STI and discloses that information publicly  good on them. That’s an amount of honesty and courage more people should have.  Don’t shame people because they have an STI, chances are the only reason you know about it is because they are the ones who told the person who told you. Why did they tell that person in the first place? If it was with a potential sexual partner it was to make sure they were fully informed before engaging in any sexual activities and if it was a friend it was to confide in them something personal that they were dealing with.  Also, do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard the story about the girl who got herpes or HPV from her first sexual partner, a lot. Which again further proves my point, STI’s are not something that accumulate with the more people you sleep with. It’s not some punch card that after ten partners you get a free STI. You only need to have sex with ONE infected person to become infected.  Sometimes in life you are the person who gets herpes after sleeping with your first partner, your true love who you trusted more than anything. Sometimes you can sleep with dozens of people and walk away fine, that’s just how life works. It should also be noted that if you got an STI after sleeping with dozens or hundreds of people it still does not define you as a terrible person and/or worthless person. The only time I would ever judge someone as “not good” when having an STI is if they knowingly knew they had an STI and put people at risk to contracting it by not being honest about it.  There is no STI law that states “only persons who are awful will be susceptible to infection”. Which leads to my favorite reason I’ve personally heard to not need condoms “but you can’t have a STI, you’re so nice”… no, that’s not how it works. Don’t assume because someone is nice, cool and/or smart that they don’t have a STI. Point is, go educate yourself on the actual statistics, information and everything else on STIs and anytime you go to judge someone for having an STI just keep in mind, it could be you. 

Here’s the other thing, if you have a problem with someone, tell them. If you are worried about a friend of yours because they are dating someone you think is a terrible person, tell them. Also if someone is a serious threat to others, themselves and especially children, call the authorities and do something valid about it instead of posting an article on the internet that takes the same amount of grammar and maturity as a 7 year old to post.  You can spend your whole life being angry and tearing people apart but it’s so much wasted time and energy. If you took the time and energy you invest in hating people and being vindictive and put it into yourself and making your life better you’d be golden.  Getting upset because people you know are terrible continue to be terrible is also a waste of energy. Just let it go and let them be terrible, you can’t change them. One of the most important things I've learned in life is not to waste time being upset when people are terrible and that just move on and terrible people will continue to be terrible whether you are around or not and eventually karma will take care of the situation. Lastly if someone’s biggest “error” in life is having lots of sex, I’d say they are pretty ahead of the game.

Stay tuned for follow up blogs about slut hypocrisy and  another on embracing your inner slut.  

Written by a beautiful, fat slut. 
-Zelda
Viva la Slut! 


Jeremy says

"I really like your article. thank you."
posted on: December 27, 2012 4:45 PM


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